“The Garouse” to “The Garuda”
continued
This is when I began watching Oprah, the “You Can Heal Your Life” soul series. I began following the advise of her special guests. From deep depression and despair, I began to feel inspired. Each day, I would hear about a person facing insurmountable odds and overcoming them and sharing how they did it. I got the recommended books from the library and started looking at my life from a more spiritual perspective. What did I have to learn from these trials and tribulations? How were my feelings of being a victim of life serving me? Eventually, if I could have the life I truly desired, what would it look like and feel like? From there, I began drawing up and imagining my beautiful future.
My husband and I knew we needed to get out of the rental we were in. Enough was enough. Though, I did not believe I could afford an upgrade and I saw that belief as keeping me stuck. I took a leap of faith and accepted an unexpected rental offer from a friend & moved to a better home. My husband worked longer hours and we were able to come up with the additional money for rent each month. I continued to work on improving the health of my home and family members. I focused on getting really clear on my dreams for the future. If there was nothing stopping me what would I do? I started to look at houses for sale in the area I wanted to live. After a thorough search, with my husband and our little ones in tow, I soon realized that what we really wanted was to design and build an environmentally friendly, sustainable home. We wanted it to be up above the fog with a place for our kids to ride their bikes. We wanted to have a garden, some privacy, and a place for our dog to play. We wanted something of our own to put our love and energy into that could not be changed by a landlords mood.
One day while taking a family scenic drive in the neighborhood we loved, we stopped at the 
end of an empty cul-de-sac to check out the view. As we stood there, I knew, this is where I wanted to live! It had everything on my dream list. At the time, there wasn’t anything for sale and I didn’t have any money, but that did not stop me. I went through the county tax records and found the name and address of all the lot owners on that street and wrote to them letting them know I was interested in buying their lot or being their neighbor. I knew it was crazy, but at the time I had nothing to lose. I heard nothing for about 3 months and was so surprised when I received a letter from the people owning the two best lots on the street saying they would consider selling. I was over the moon, but still in a desperate financial situation. I shared the news with my husband and he could hardly believe it. “Well, we better start manifesting a down payment and make them an offer.” With that kind of support, I was filled with enthusiasm, inspiration and hope. There had to be a way.
My husbands work days were long, building beautiful custom homes. While he was away, I worked odd jobs, spent nothing on anything other than rent, food and gas. I stopped trying to “keep up” with others financially. I also faced my insecurity, reached out to those that knew and loved us and asked for help. I communicated honestly with the property owners and found that they too were in need of a change. We discussed openly what they had paid for the property, what improvements they had done and what they were in need of now (a new roof on a house recently inherited and the funds to move there). Perhaps one of the most profound and beautiful things that transpired was that with this honest communication, the property owners and I developed such good will towards each other and were dedicated to being fair. We wanted a Win/Win outcome. They wanted my family & I to have the property they had loved and I wanted them to be able to move comfortably to the place they wanted to be. I did not want them to lose money on the deal and they did not want my dream to be financially out of reach.
Six months later we were the proud owners of two beautiful ocean view lots above the fog, with privacy and room for our sons to ride their bikes and our dog to play. The property owners had moved to a sweet home where they could retire. Though all our dealings were made through written letters and a few short phone calls, we looked forward to the day we would meet in person. To this day, I am forever grateful for their integrity, honesty, generosity and patience. I also respect and value myself for believing, despite other peoples’ cautions and horror stories that I could negotiate open and fair dealings by being honest, sharing my dream, being resourceful & respectful. As well as believing a Win/Win outcome was not only possible, but what our dream would be based on.
There were still health & financial lessons to learn, but we had a vision! This vision kept me motivated and hopeful. I had learned what I could live without and knew I had the fortitude to persevere. I also had people that believed in us and our dream. This combination carried us through the next chunk of seemingly insurmountable odds. We made enough money to have plans drawn up and get a building permit and we were able to get a personal loan to put in a septic and solar power system, connect to water and build a garage. The plan was for my husband to use the garage to hold all his tools and to also work from as he built the house in the evenings and on weekends. The heavy labor of working construction and such long hours took its toll on his body and his back began giving out and knee started to deteriorate. I was working long, strange hours as a doula for little or no money (lessons around worthiness). I was pushing myself physically, mentally and emotionally without rest (learning the importance of self care). Just as things started really looking up, we were hit with one hardship after another making our dream seem further away than ever.
It was in these darkest of hours, I came up with an idea- what if we moved up to our lots and lived in our garage? This way we would not be paying rent, and that money could go toward paying off our debt and getting us back on the path to building our home. It was a 600 square foot unfinished garage without plumbing and we were a family of four. I thought to myself, it is more than a lot of people in the world have, and it is ours. We have to start somewhere. I believed it would only take a couple of years and we would build our home and “viola!” we would have our home and our kids (ages 3 and 8 at the time) would witness and be a part of a dream coming into reality. I had seen my husband build so many homes and knew he was capable of making even a little garage beautiful and functional for our family. He was game if I was game. So, we embarked on the journey of making the garage a home.
Our oldest son was really skeptical. “Where will I sleep? Why would we move?” He asked. Eventually, through a good family friend, I learned that he was concerned that we would be living amongst tools and paint cans and recycling bins, like the many garages he had seen. Our friend gave us the invaluable advise that when embarking on a journey such as this, we must give our kids a vision. It was something they could be a part of and something to be excited about so that when sacrifices were to be made they would know why.
My husband and I looked through tons of tiny house plans and magazines and eventually with the parameters of our garage in mind, we designed a functional living and sleeping space that we felt excited about. We decided to get a small trailer to serve as a kitchen and 
bathroom because our permits did not allow for these things to be in our garage. We then shared our vision with the kids, explaining to them this was not going to be some ordinary house or an ordinary garage. It would be a “Garouse.” There wouldn’t be tools or paint in it, it would be a home. They would have their own little bunks to sleep on, and a little space to play. We would have a nice living room with an ocean view. We would create a little home for our family, we would all be cozy and that by doing this it would enable us to build our own home that they would love. While their dad was building it, they would see him every day! Their little wheels started turning, “and we can ride bikes and make jumps!” They were in. After a few short months, so were we. We moved into “The Garouse ” and the next chapter of our lives.
As life has it sometimes, we were not done with our lessons around sacrificing health and happiness for money or of underestimating our worth. With the extra labor and hours it took to get “The Garouse” finished and to move out of the rental we were in, by the time we were settled, my health fell apart. This led to my husband to work even harder and longer hours. He took construction jobs he would have never taken and staying in miserable working conditions out of fear and obligation.
Despite the struggle, we loved each other and had a dream (never underestimate the power of Love). When one of us would start to feel like giving up, the other would start talking about how awesome our future home would be. My practice of Kundalini Yoga & meditation deepened and I developed the practice of collecting house magazines from doctor and dentist offices, and my sister-in-law’s hair salon. I would tear out photos of design features I liked. It was my way of picking myself up and holding onto our dream. On particularly challenging days, when I was sick, the kids were acting up, and “The Garouse” seemed so small, I would go to the trailer, do a little yogic breathing and work on my dream book. It never failed to lift my spirits.
A couple of years into living in “The Garouse,” my health began to return and the hardships started turning into wisdom. My husband’s physical sacrifices had taken their toll. It was his time to face his own health challenges. This lead me to learning massage and Reiki. The money we thought would be going toward getting us out of debt went to medical bills. We were deep “in the hole” and our dream seemed like it would never come to fruition. However, a part of the dream that we had not been focusing on – the part about having a close knit family, a loving and sweet relationship with each other, good true friendships, living a healthy life and an environmentally friendly lifestyle, these things were being developed and would carry us through the next set of challenges.
After three years of living in The Garouse, we had learned so much. We had healed many deep seated beliefs that kept us from succeeding. We had learned a lot about alternative medicine and healing techniques. We had studied and implemented environmentally conscientious building and sustainable living practices and perhaps, some of the most valuable lessons – the importance of self care and good communication. We valued our own health and now knew the importance of supporting others in doing the same. We developed a deep sense of gratitude. We enjoyed each others company more then ever and had a lot of fun doing things simply. We treasured the friends and family that stuck with us and taught us the value of a friendly letter or visit from a loved one. It was through the healers, teachers, family and friend’s kind actions that we learned the importance of unconditional love, hope, patience and perseverance. We now saw our cup as half full instead of half empty. With all of this, it was time for the tides to change.
With my health and humor restored, I went to visit a very successful friend of mine that I had not seen in a long time. While I was catching her up on where I was on the path to manifesting my dream, I found myself sharing with her that we were at a stand still, but very happy. My husband had recovered his health, but his knee was severely damaged from years of abuse. We were making more money, but just as we would get a nice nest egg to start building, some unexpected expense would arise (the truck engine blew, our oven needed to be fixed, etc.) There seemed to be no end and we had gotten used to it. I was starting to consider giving up the house plan and just putting a bathroom and kitchen in The Garouse and adding a bedroom for the boys. This is when my friend suggested that I hire a Feng Shui practitioner to come to my property and assess our Garouse. “She will be expensive, but she is worth every penny and you will get this stuff straightened out. There is no reason, with the wisdom you have gained, for two hardworking, good hearted people to be stuck in this kind of stagnation,” she explained. She told me that she always had her homes and businesses Feng Shuied and experienced great results. She gave me a card for her practitioner and $20 to get me started. She suggested I make the appointment right away, find out how much it was going to cost and start manifesting the money to pay for it. “You will never regret it.” Coming from such a successful and loving soul, I could not ignore her advise. She was right!
By this time I had done a lot of self healing, spent regular time in nature and had developed a personal practice of Kundalini Yoga and meditation. I had unplugged from many distractions that kept me from really knowing myself. All of these things began my transition from being a human “doer” into a human being. I began to understand myself and my empathic nature. I had been stripped of ego based worthiness and found that I still had value. I hired a Feng Shui practitioner to come to my “Garouse” and the results were almost unbelievable.
The practitioner “read” our property and our home. Without me sharing any of our story, she laid it all out in plain view. It was the kind of truth that makes one’s hairs stand up and “chicken skin” appear. It was profound. The first question she asked was, “what’s the sh** with money?” and then proceeded to show me why I was having such trouble. My inner belief systems were creating the hardships I was experiencing and I had created a home to reinforce those beliefs. She also uncovered some things I had a blind eye to and proceeded to advise me on correcting that which was out of balance. By working on correcting what was off in our Garouse and on our property, our whole family benefited. We began to sleep better than we ever had in our lives. There was an undeniable coziness to our little space and a peacefulness to our property. Our health began to rapidly improve and our relationship to money began to change. Through that experience I knew I wanted to help others in this way. I spoke with the Feng Shui practitioner and shared my inspiration. I then began what would end up being a five year apprenticeship.
In the beginning, I felt a bit like “The Karate Kid.” I was spending long periods of time doing things that made little sense to me. I would accompany my teacher on all kinds of jobs. I found myself facing one fear after another. I found myself in haunted houses and crime scenes, on property with such heavy energy, I would want to cry. I met people and property in grave distress and my natural empathic nature wanted nothing more than to relieve their pain and remedy their situation. These situations called upon me to confront my fears, learn from them and develop a deep connection with The Divine and to know a new truth that would change my life forever: There is nothing to fear, but fear itself.
Job after job, I came to the understanding that all things in nature desire to be in balance and harmony. It is fear that it cannot be so that keeps things in disharmony. I had been sensitive to energy all my life and often had intuitive knowing that I could not explain. By embarking on the intensive study and practice of Feng Shui, enhanced by my practices of Kundalini Yoga and Reiki, I began awakening dormant connections to the unseen and experienced an increased flow of healing energy. Eventually, the ability to communicate directly with the energy of homes and land became second nature. Whether it was a house or a human, I found that I had a gift in working and communicating with energy and began applying it to my life and surroundings – magical things began to happen.
My husband and I designed a home with feng shui principles and our family in mind. We collaborated and communicated better then ever and were more inspired to materialize our dream. As luck would have it, the property value in my neighborhood started to skyrocket. My husband was working for a sweet couple who’s daughter was a loan officer at a local bank. She seemed to think we could get a construction loan using our property as collateral. Within a few months, we had a construction loan. It was the beginning of a whole new era!
We set our intentions for a fun, inspired, love-filled building process and asked for interdependent relationships, excellent communication and divine flow. In less than two years we would be living our dream in a home that far exceeded my expectations. Living on the building site gave us the opportunity to be a part of the process. As a family, we spent more time than we ever had together and loved it! There was alot of outdoor dining, fun creative visitors, sweet helpful people, music, labor and talent that went along with the building process. It was incredible to witness the foundation being laid, the walls go up, the roof, then plumbing and electrical going in. Our sons were able to see their dad in action and to participate in building our home. It was no longer a “pipe dream.” It was a reality in the making.
When manifesting a hearts desire, one can be confronted with feelings of unworthiness, 
disbelief, patterns of self sabotage, impatience, and a gamut of other destructive thinking. This is where my years of experience as a doulah came to the forefront. We were birthing a home and were pregnant with possibilities. Breathe deeply, allow for right timing, eat well, drink plenty of fluids, ask for help when you need it and express gratitude. When you start to freak out you are about to make progress. Confront your fears with love, educate yourself, own your power to choose, push when you need to push and enjoy the journey.
With the intention of having the most enjoyable building experience possible, I asked my husband about his past building experiences. What were his favorite jobs and why? What did he love the most about them? What were his most challenging projects and why?
I learned that there were some key factors that contribute to a positive building environment for you and your builder. (Remember their energy is going into your home/building):
- Know what you want, including how you want to feel during and after the project is complete. (avoid confusion and regret)
- Have a well thought out plan. (motivation & inspiration)
- Find a builder who has built things you appreciate. (examples that show that you are in alignment with your builder)
- Make sure you can communicate easily with your builder and that they have enthusiasm for your project. (you are a team)
- Schedule weekly check-ins where the builder and homeowner can talk without distraction. (avoid misunderstandings).
- Express enthusiasm and appreciation on a regular basis (good for moral and productivity)
- Trust in the process.
- Keep everyones best interest at heart even if that means firing someone who is lowering moral or dragging the energy down.
- Be willing to adjust timing to align with optimal flow. (If something is a huge struggle, let it go and allow for realignment)
In order for me to stay focused throughout the building process, make clear decisions & have a strong nervous system, I maintained a daily practice of Kundalini Yoga and meditation. I believe this was instrumental in me fully enjoying the project. In the spirit of support, I also initiated and maintained the practice of making a simple but nourishing lunch to sustain and nurture those collaborating or helping with the building of our home. This was inspired by all of the people who had fed my husband while he worked on their homes. It also allowed for a pause in the day and a time to check-in with each other and our progress.
Staying connected to the flow of the project let me see other ways that I could contribute. I quickly realized how expensive building can be. We wanted a beautiful home, but needed it to be affordable. This inspired many creative endeavors. I made several trips to purchase materials that I found on Craigslist, The Restore, garage sales, and even did some “dumpster diving.” By knowing what was needed and by when, I could set myself to the task of finding beautiful, quality materials for unbelievable prices. I discovered a super power of mine and developed it to enhance our home and save money. It was one of the most fulfilling aspects of the building process for me and I am enjoying the results to this day.
Living in the home we created is a constant reminder that dreams can come true. The love that went into the building of our home can be felt. There are so many magical stories of how things came together in ways we never could have imagined; when faced with life’s challenges, we are reminded regularly to open our minds and hearts to unseen possibilities. From a place of deep gratitude for my own journey, I find my inspiration to align with others who are inspired to manifest their dreams. I am aware of the challenges to be faced and know the importance of a good home base. Nothing makes me happier than to share the knowledge and wisdom I have gained to help others create a life they love and homes and businesses that nurture and support them.